In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
