so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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