I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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