I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
