She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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