just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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