All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
