I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My feet surprised me
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