under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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