I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I will pee on everything he values.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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