you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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