she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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