so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
