just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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