i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
