I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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