I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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