you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Randomize
