Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I am available for nakedness
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
