I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
