I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
