I met the friendliest cop last night
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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