Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
