I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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