Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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