Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
