I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
