dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
