Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
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Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.