Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?