I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(