i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.