I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation