Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
porn star boner night. come get it.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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