The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
