Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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