there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
