ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!