dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
