I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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