Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
