So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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