i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
