is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
