the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
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She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
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I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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