She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
being pregnant is like rehab
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
