My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My feet surprised me
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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