Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize