she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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