Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Found your dick twin last night
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
