I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
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he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
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I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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