hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
