very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
