i just wanna soil my oats bro
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
