please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
