yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
