who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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