mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
