help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
