Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
