Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
