my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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