yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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