Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
