I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
