I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Blow job season was short but glorious.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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