also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Randomize
