Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
