I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
