Moan for me like Helen Keller
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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