it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
