She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
