masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
