I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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