Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
