Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
