dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
