ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
