you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
