Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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