This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
