I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
