the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
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So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
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Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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