Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
