Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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