ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
