made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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