try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
