I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
