How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
This toilet bowl is my home.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
