here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
