Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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